The Frat Bois
by AnalDelRay
Summary: Two rival fraternities battle head to head for the ultimate reward, a trip to the sex dungeon with the campuses hottest sorority girls. Rated M for partying, drug usage, sexual themes, and more.
1. Arby's University

There comes a time in one's life when they're destined to find themselves. Some survive, others fall victim to the horror story known as college. It is an all out battle full of sex, drugs, parties, testosterone, mistakes, friendships, lessons, lies, and success. In a small town outside of Omaha Nebraska sat University of Arby's for the specially gifted. An infamous college with a history so dark it's haunted our society for generations. Then again, that's just how college is.

"Mr. Malone?" Moana's hand shot up in the air. "Can you help me find the point of the plane 2x − 3y − 4z = 25 which is nearest the point (3, 2, 1)."

The teacher, Post Malone let out a sly chuckle. "I ran out of tears when I was 18 so nobody made me but the main streets."

Moana's face twisted. Regardless, she shrugged and wrote the answer onto her paper.

Mr. Malone tended to be pretty popular with the students. In fact, he was known as a rockstar. That means he was always willing to buy the kids a bottle or sell them a couple grams of cocaine. Which the students of Arby's University thrived on.

"Hey Mr. Malone?"

The white teacher with dreaded hair (Cultural Appropriation :() scowled. "Yes, Nicholas?"

The red fox flicked his pencil between his paws. "Do you ever lay in bed and realize how not okay you are?"

Mr. Malone furiously slammed his fists onto his desk. He and the fox had beef that went way back. Especially now that Nick Wilde was competing with him for Arby's University ultimate drug dealer title. It was a rough game and everybody wanted to win.

"Ask me a calculus question, or get the fuck out!" He pointed to the door.

Some of the students chuckled. Right on time the bell rang and Mr. Malones calculus class rushed out into the sea of other students.

Judy playfully punched her fox boyfriend in the arm. "Why are you such a dick to Mr. Malone?" she frowned. "He's like the coolest teacher here."

"You serious? Haven't you seen Ms. Blacks sex tape?" He responded sarcastically.

"Nick.." Judy's face turned red. "You know I'm not like that…"

"Whatever you say, Carrots" Without another word he wandered off into the halls disappearing from the bunny's sight completely. She would never understand why he was so cold.

One of the many controversies surrounding Arby's University was the fact there were two fraternities and only one sorority. Which wouldn't be a problem if the two frats weren't completely segregated. ALZETA consisted of your average rich party boys. The ones who dressed in sperry's and ralph lauren polo shirts. Then there was OMBETA these men were your run of the mill rednecks, drug dealers, and former felons.

ALZETA was led by the legendary hawaiian demigod Maui. He'd been in charge for over a thousand years. At this point his parents couldn't even pay his tuition so technically he was no longer a student of the Arby's University. Nonetheless, the demigod stuck around refusing to step down as head of the fraternity.

OMBETA had a fierce leader named Ralph. He was muscular, clever, and was equipped with temper as bad as his breath. Ralph was always prepared to wreck something especially a sorority girls pussy.

Over time ALZETA and OMBETA formed a rivalry. Both fraternities wanted to claim the DELTATHOTA sorority. Because at the end of each school year Arby's University had a massive orgy and only the fraternity that came out on top was allowed to share a bed with the THOTA's.

Maui swung his wooden hook directly at Ralph's throat, attempting to kill him. Ralph fired back with a thrust of his fist uppercutting the demigod in the nose. Maui felt blood dripping from his snout. He gently wiped his hand under the area to see how much damage was done. Upon realizing Ralph had broken his nose completely he tackled the massive brick to the ground of the courtyard. Still attempting to inflict pain by using his hook.

"Hey!" A man with a british accent called. "I'm surprised no one has ever punched me in the face!"

Ralph furiously threw the demigod off of his chest. "Fuck off, Mr. Healy!"

"Yeah, this isn't any of your business!" The two frat leaders fist bumped after roasting their instrumental aesthetics teacher.

Matty Healy, the has been popstar pulls a joint from behind his ear. "Come on men, let's just chill." He emphasized, drawing out each of his words.

The frat leaders followed Mr. Healy too his van. The type you would see picking up a child at the park only to for the child to be reported missing two days later. It was decked with blue interior with a leopard print cloth covering the dashboard. Matty tried to his best to fit in while claiming he liked to stand out from the crowd. He was relatable, and the students loved him for this.

Ralph took a hit of the joint and slowly exhaled. "Look, Maui. I don't wanna fight man, but if you keep thinking you're gonna be banging the THOTA's at the end of the semester you've got another thing comin."

Maui scoffed. "Hah! You actually think they'd let rednecks into their sex dungeon?" He snatched the joint from Ralph taking a hit for himself. "Listen, for the past thousand years I've led the ALZETA's to that sex dungeon. I don't plan on that changing anytime soon."

"Well plan for it!" Ralph took another swing at the demigod.

"Hey!" Mr. Healy shouts again. "We're here to talk about our problems, not cause more."

The flashed him a blank expression. The only thing Mr. Healy ever did was cause drama. In fact, he'd been fired sixteen times for sleeping with the girls of DELTHOTA. Due to staffing issues Human Resources rehired him a few weeks later each time.

"I just don't like other guys messing with my chicks ok?" Maui defended himself.

"Who said they were your chicks!" Ralph shouted. Fighting back the urge to break the demigod's nose for the second time that day.

"Pipe down." Mr. Healy breathed. "None of you own those girls... "

Ralph and Maui opened their mouths to argue.

"Until the end of the semester... " Matty narrowed his brows and winked at both gentlemen.

The frat leaders nodded in agreement. The british pop-star was right. It was better if they saved their energy for the mock WWE match next month. Where Eric McMann would visit Arby's University and judge the ultimate wrestling face off. ALZETA the reigning champions head to head with OMBETA. Battling for the beautiful DELTHOTA's.

One of the best parts of the orgy was the virgin sacrifice. This years sacrificial lamb was Moana. The fourteen year old genius. Which was fine, because nobody came to Arby's University to learn. They came for sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Anyone who attended the school had a secret wild side regardless of their age.

Ralph and Maui silently exited the van after Mr. Healy removed his shirt and began singing a song about killing himself. Things got a little too intense the poised gentlemen. Plus class started in ten minutes. Sex Education with the one and only teen pop sensation, Rebecca Black.

A few of the DELTHOTA's gathered in their luxurious living room, working on their calculus homework. Mr. Malone was always hard on them, but it was for the learning experience. Though most of his students would admit the only thing he's ever taught them you gotta step out of your comfort zone.

"Jeez, Mr. Malone is really shafting us with this assignment isn't he?" Rapunzel bit the tip of her pencil.

Tinkerbell waved her wand through the air. "Oh come on, he's just trying to whip us into shape." She winked.

The group of young woman mischievously giggled.

Moana cocked an eyebrow confused as to what the upperclassmen were talking about. "Really? He just gives me the answers during class."

A wave of silence enters the room as the girls glanced at one another. Their chuckles turned into fits of laughter directed towards Moana.

"Well, I guess you haven't gone in for extra credit!" Rapunzel mocked her.

Moana, being the virgin sacrifice was still learning the ropes of UOA. However, Moana was ready to experience all of the exciting things college had to offer. Selection Day, also known as the hat draw where the virgin sacrifice was selected had taken place a few weeks prior. All of the UOA virgins entered their names into a hat, whomever's name was drawn was the virgin sacrifice. The title meant you were the main focus during the end of year orgy. It was a highly respected achievement.

Oddly enough, Moana's closest friend Judy Hopp's name was originally drawn. Upon realizing the bunny wanted nothing to do with the title Moana volunteered herself. Taking one for the team, while also making herself one of the most popular girls at school.

In a darkened corner of the room, sat the most superior DELTHOTA of them all. The blonde haired bitch with a superiority complex named Elsa.

"So, Moana are you excited to be this year's virgin sacrifice?" She smirked, flipping her long blonde french braid over her thin collar bones.

Moana perked up straightening her shoulders. "I'm thrilled actually, I'm sure it'll be a crazy ride!"

Elsa stood up, and placed a bony hand on Moana's thick black curls. "Well, I'm just glad you took Judy's spot." She snided. "If you hadn't chances are no one would've shown up to the sex dungeon in the first place."

The study group exchanged a shady look. Except for Moana who jumped to defend her friend. "Judy's catholic, she's saving herself for marriage, why can't you respect that?" She scowled.

Rapunzel smacked her tongue. "Looks like Elsa wants her virginity back."

The group of girls bursted out in laughter again. Jokes at Elsa's expense were always welcome. Elsa might be their sorority leader, but she was a bitch. Therefore bullying her back was one of their favorite pastimes.

"Shut the fuck up, you whore." She snatched Moana's textbook from her hands and chucked it at Rapunzel's face. "You've fucked so many guys, you're starting to look like one."

The sorority leader flipped her hair once again and strutted out of the room.

Rebecca Black and Post Malone sat together in the janitors closet doing lines of cocaine from Matty Healy's asshole. This is what the teachers did in their freetime, sometimes they invited the students.

Judy and Nick sat on his pull-out sofa. Ever since the dean caught the fox smoking crack in the courtyard he'd been banned from living on campus. Judy found it unfair because 100% of the university's students and teachers did drugs on campus as well. Nick had just been the unlucky one. UOA's dean Hillary Clinton was a total gemini, who thought pant-suits were still in style. Regardless, Nick's drug money supplied him with a shitty apartment shared with an equally shitty roommate.

Nick kissed her cheek. "Come on, Sweetheart. Finnick's not here we could totally get away with it."

Judy shook her head. "I have class in an hour, Nick!"

The bunny was a strict catholic. She'd been raised with strong beliefs, one of those being that sex before marriage was the ultimate sin. Judy had piles of excuses and in a little over three months she'd already used every single one of them on Nick. The fox never seemed to accept she just wasn't ready.

He stroked her fur. "I can be quick."

Judy crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "I know, every one of the other girls in DELTHOTA has told me."

Nick played of his embarrassment. "I choose to be fast." The fox looked offside.

The bunny would rather change the subject than argue with someone stubborn as Nick. "You're coming to DELTHOTA's rager tonight, right?"

"How could I resist? It's the biggest cash grab of the month." The fox pulled a bag filled with white powder from between the couch cushion. "They need the stuff, I've got it."

Judy's jaw dropped. "Nick, you know I hate that you deal drugs. Can't you get a real job?" She snatched the bag away. "Or else you're going to be stuck living with Finnick the rest of your life."

The bunny threw the white powder onto the table and marched out of his apartment. Sex and drugs just weren't her fortay.

"Can someone pass me a bit of that Axe spray?" A southern tow truck by the name of Mater called.

The OMBETA gentlemen were pregaming for DELTHOTA'S rager that evening.

Woody the cowboy tossed the can axe towards the tow truck. Mater caught it with his hook. "I got ya'll, axe is the greatest fuckin' cologne in all the south!"

Donkey gave Woody a playful kick in the knee, knocking him over. He spit out his chew tabacco onto the dirty carpet. "Which THOTA you boys hankerin' to get a taste of tonight?"

Ralph shot up from his bed in excitement. "I'm going for Elsa tonight."

The OMBETA boys looked at him in shock. No man had ever conquered Elsa. She was said to be untouchable, no one knew why.

A few moments later, a familiar fox entered the room. "Gentleman, I've got the stuff." He flashed a large bag of cocaine and removed his sunglasses from his eyes. "Want a line, it's on me!"

The OMBETA's took their turns with the cocaine, preparing themselves for what would be a historical night for all of them.

Maui let out a battle cry in front the mirror. Trying to boost his ego despite the broken nose.

"KACHOW!" Lightning McQueen rolled up behind him, the shiny lightning bolt on his side reflected in the mirror.

Much like the OMBETA's, the ALZETA's were pumping themselves up for the rager.

Kristoff, removed his shirt flexing his perfectly oiled pecs. "I'm thinking, no shirts tonight? Who's with me?" The large group of egotistical males cheered in agreement. Bumping their chests together in delight.

One of their housemates Tank Evans sat in the corner, making out with one his many surfing trophies. They boys assumed he wouldn't be making it to the party tonight.

Students were piling into the DELTHOTA house. Music was blasting through the speakers, strobe lights flashed through the house and front lawn. If there was one thing the DELTHOTA's did better than sex, it was throwing a rager. Unbeknownst to anyone, tonights party would be their most outrageous one yet. The aftermath, would be even worse. 


	2. Sex, Drugs, Rock and, Roll

The skimpily dressed DELTA THOTA's were busy greeting their guests. Each one of them already held a red solo cup filled with jungle juice in their hands. Their parties were always supplied with a variety of drinks. Though their custom-made jungle juice was the fan favorite. The THOTA's invested in a large fountain, specifically made serving their special drink.

Maui kicked one of the french doors of the DELTA THOTA house off its hinges. He left out an ear-wrenching battle cry that was heard even over the blasting music.

"ALZETA HAS ARRIVED!" He shouted. The partygoers cheered in response. The ALZETA fraternity proudly marched in. Their egos were somehow bigger than their exquisite abs.

Moments later Ralph imitated Maui's actions. He kicked the remaining door down. Everyone looked in his direction and cheered in delight upon seeing the thirty rack on his shoulders. As if the party needed any more alcohol. He began throwing the beers left and right each one caught by a partygoer.

At the end of the foyer, he could see Elsa, his eyes were locked on the blonde bitch. Tonight was the night he'd seduce her. Elsa had been off the sex market for a while and Ralph was going to change that.

"Sup." He nodded.

Elsa rolled her eyes. "As if." She pushed him out of her way, leaving and disappearing into a sea of drunk college students.

Lightning McQueen scowled reaching for a fresh beer from the cooler. He felt a tire bump into his own as he realized it was the last beer available. McQueen looked up to see his ex-best friend Mater giving him the death stare.

"Now I reckon you let me have this beer, McQueen." Mater dared.

Lightning gave him a frustrated glance. "What makes you say that?"

"Cause' if you ain't, Your gonna have to get a touch up on that fancy paint job of yours" Mater smacked McQueen's tire that was still waiting in the cooler.

"Still pissed about the paint job? Or are you just jealous?" He flashed the lightning bolt beside his fake headlight. "KACHOW!" Mcqueen shouted.

"Oh! I'll kachow you right back to radiator springs!" Mater smacked Lightning in the mouth with his tire.

McQueen was a weak fighter, he stood no chance against Mater in a tire off. The tow truck was right it'd be best if he hands over the beer.

"Take the beer, It already has your dirty radiator springs tire marks on it anyways!"

Tow Mater spat in his face. "A fancy paint job ain't gon take away your real identity McQueen, once a radiator springs car, always a radiator springs car. Y'know that!"

Lightning reluctantly rolled away from Mater. The two had been childhood best friends, growing up in the town of radiator springs. In his teenage years, Lightnings mother married a wealthy businessman. Who insisted he pays for McQueen's paint job before he headed off to college. Since the day Lightning arrived at UOA he fit in with the ALZETA's. Mater had never forgiven him for the betrayal.

Judy took another sip from her red solo cup, only for it to be snatched away by her friend Moana.

"Judy, you're a lightweight and that's your sixth cup. Slow down!" Moana scolded the bunny.

Judy waved a lazy arm through the air, trying to steal her cup back. "I'm fine!" She slurred.

The OMBETA's had arrived over an hour ago and there was still no sign of Nick. Judy had been feeling guilty for her outburst earlier so she'd been wanting to apologize. But, as usual, the fox hadn't kept his word.

"What's going on with you anyway? Did something happen?" Moana voiced her concern.

"Nick's not here... " Judy frowned a few tears forming in her eyes. The fox clearly wasn't as committed as Judy, but he could at least show a little effort.

Moana raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "How drunk are you? He's in the bathroom selling cocaine as usual."

"Oh…" The bunny pondered, before setting off into the crowd in search of her boyfriend. Moana called her name behind her and Judy pretended not to hear.

Elsa stood alone, her arms hanging over the balcony of the house. She hated parties. Unfortunately, DELTA THOTA parties were basically a social requirement at UOA so being the house leader, she had no choice. Elsa turned her head as she heard the door behind her creak. Ralph had somehow located her.

He'd been going after her for months, and sure, he was cute but Elsa had more important things to worry about. Sex wasn't as viable as it used to be.

"Sup." He asked for the second time that evening positioning himself beside her.

Elsa rolled her eyes and began twirling her long blonde hair around her finger. "Look, I don't have time for this." She shooed him away.

"Why are you such a bitch to everyone?" He frowned, cracking open a beer and handing it to her.

Elsa accepted it and took a quick sip. "I'm not a bitch!"

"You used to be fun, now you're just like Prudy Judy... " The buff male argued.

Elsa gasped offended that Ralph would even consider comparing her to that thicc bitch, Judy. "Am not! I'm just more mature now." She boasted.

"Really, you matured over the past seven months?" He deadpanned, not believing a THOTA could change so much in such a short time.

"Yes." Elsa huffed turning her head away.

"So are you gonna participate in the sex dungeon this year then?" Ralph chuckled.

"Um." Elsa hesitated. "Yeah, duh. I literally have the keys to the dungeon, no one's going in there without my permission."

The sex dungeon was her favorite part of the school year. Elsa wouldn't miss it for the world. Maybe sex with Ralph tonight wouldn't be such a horrible idea. In fact, she did need a little bit of practice beforehand.

"You know…" Elsa reached into the pocket of her jean shorts, revealing a small gold key. "Maybe we could break the place in."

Ralphs face lit up. "Now that's what I'm talking about!"

Elsa led him into the houses darkened basement. She flipped on the lightswitch revealing a solid gold door, completely chained up with a padlock. The one and only entrance to the fabled sex dungeon.

Mr. Healy's stoner van was parked outside of the DELTA THOTA house, Hillary the dean always assigned him to keep an eye on the parties. On this particular evening, Moana joined him for a little help on her instrumental aesthetics project.

He took a hit of his joint trying to pass it to Moana. She gladly accepted, while listening to the soothing tone of his synth. Mr. Healy had been holding down the same key for the past five minutes.

"Wow, that does sound nice." Moana lied. The teacher seemed to take great offense when his students didn't appreciate his unique music.

Matty nodded. "Music for people who candle their own thoughts."

Moana smiled pretending to understand what he was saying.

The teacher frowned lifting his index finger from the synth. "What happened to just messing around?" He questions to no one in particular.

"What?"

Matty shook his head in horror. "I can smell sex, drugs, rock, and roll, and herpes radiating from inside that house."

The young woman took another hit of her joint. "Well, I'd hope not. It would be a shame to catch an STD my first time having sex."

"The virgin sacrifice." Matty smiled.

Suddenly there was a loud tapping on the window. Matty looked over his shoulder, shocked to find it was UOA's dean, Hillary Clinton.  
"Get down, Moana!" He whispered.

Mr. Healy stumbled to the front seat of his car and rolled down the window. Hillary stood on her Segway currently removing the helmet from her head.

"Is that weed I smell, Mr. Healy." The devious woman took a large sniff through his open window.

"Yes." He nodded. "Caught some young lads doing it a bit earlier, guess the smell stayed on me."

Dean Clinton grabbed the neck of his shirt. "You notify me next time! They should be banned from campus!"

"Will do, Ma'am." The washed-up pop star responded.

Hillary rolled her eyes and fastened her helmet on once again. Then zoomed away on her segway somewhere into the night.

Though Nick was technically a part of the OMBETA sorority he remained quite popular with a variety of students. Mostly due to his cocaine business. If they needed something, the fox always had it. Which was the reason he was currently sprawled out in the bathtub. Sunglasses covering his drunk eyes while he bathed in a growing pile of cash.

"Max Goof! Didn't I just see you fifteen minutes ago?" The drunken fox grinned. "I'll give you a fifty cent discount for being a frequent customer."

"Sick!" Max Goof reached in his pocket, then handed Nick $39.50. The fox threw it directly into the bathtub before handing Max a small bag of cocaine. "You're the man, Wilde!"

Nick clicked his tongue and flashed two finger guns at Max who exited the bathroom with his fresh bag of coke.

"Get out of my way!"

Nick watched as his bunny girlfriend shoved his next customer out of the way.

"What the fuck?" Russell, an obese boy scout snapped. Russell didn't attend UOA but he always showed up to parties for the cocaine.

"Just step out a sec, Russell I'll handle this." Nick slurred, directing the twelve-year-old to the door. He groaned but obeyed the fox's orders regardless. Though he made sure to slam the door behind him, leaving Nick alone with his angered girlfriend.

Judy looked as though she were ready to burst. She swiped the sunglasses off his eyes and threw them on the ground beside her.

"What's your problem, Carrots?" Nick glared at her. The bunny had a hard time keeping her balance and the fox realized she was just as drunk as he was.  
"You're the problem!" She shouted, waving her arms in the air.

"Me? What did I do!" The fox defended himself. Judy had always known about his drug dealing business and that he wasn't the most loyal man. She had no right to be upset about it.

Judy then grasped onto his arm, attempting to pull him out of the bathtub. Unfortunately, due to herself and Nick's drunken states, she failed. "You didn't even say hi to me! How long have you been in here!"

Nick swiped his paw under his nose, doing a short line of cocaine. "I dunno like six hours?"

"UGH!" Tears formed in the bunny's eyes. "How can you waste your entire life sitting in a bathtub dealing cocaine to twelve-year-olds!" Judy sobbed.

Nick scowled. "Russell is the only twelve-year old I deal to! You know that!"

"Stop making excuses!" She cried. "You know exactly what I'm talking about!"

Nick shook his head ignorantly. "I've been snorting cocaine and taking shots all night, the only thing that's talking to me right now is the money!"

"Do you even care about our relationship?" Judy's voice broke she was extremely hurt by Nick's indifference. Despite only being with him for three months, Judy had already fallen in love with the fox. He didn't seem to care for her at all.

Nick shrugged. "We just don't see eye to eye, Carrots."

"What did I do wrong?" Tears fell from her eyes.

Nick bit his lip, Judy had done pretty much everything wrong. "Um well first off, you're a total prude." He spat. "You know what they call you? Prudy Judy. It's true."

Judy opened her mouth to argue but Nick stopped her.

"Second of all, I'm a coke dealer. If you can't handle that why are you even with me?" He gave an honest question. "Third I have commitment issues."

"Well, you sure seem committed to cocaine!" She fired back.

"If that's all you're here to talk about, there's the door, you can leave." Nick ushered to the exit. "You're hurting my reputation, Carrots."

"This is my bathroom!" Judy disagreed. "You get out!"

"Chill out, Sweetheart. This bathtub has plenty of room, why don't you join me." The fox winked. Nick liked seeing Judy angry. It was hot. Suddenly he didn't want her to leave after all.

"I know what that look means, Nick!" Judy crossed her arms. It was the fox's sex face.

Nick reached out and grasped her paw, stroking it gently. Maybe he needed a more emotional approach. "Come on, Sweetheart. What's stopping you."

Judy took a deep breath and avoided eye contact. "The Holy Spirit…"

Nick pretended to be shocked. "Really? Is that it?"

"Yes…" She rubbed her arm in embarrassment. "God's always watching…"

" If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness," Nick smirked.

Judy's jaw dropped she was impressed. "You do know the bible!"

The fox gave her a sly nod. "I learned it for you, and I also learned God will forgive all of your sins."

The bunny turned around and locked the bathroom door. "Well, it is Saturday, which means tomorrow is Sunday…"

Nick bit his lip in anticipation. "That's right Carrots, you'll have plenty of time to ask God for forgiveness tomorrow."

Judy climbed into the tub with him, an intense makeout session ensued.


	3. Wake up, you bastard

Olaf, the DELTA THOTA housemaid was having a busy afternoon. Today he was tasked with awakening various partygoers that had passed out the night before. It was already four in the afternoon and Olaf had only cleansed the front lawn. He trudged through the front entryway, that was now missing both of its doors due to reckless fraternities.

With a swift swing of his broom he whacked Max Goof straight on the head. The young man was covered in flakes of cocaine. Olaf reminded himself to collect anything that fell on the floor. The 'snowman' was made of literal cocaine.

"WAKE UP, YOU BASTARD."

Max Good jolted from his sleep and Olaf continued to hit him with the broom.

"It's four in the afternoon! Go, get out of here!" Olaf snapped.

He watched as the young gentlemen slowly crawled away, trying to escape his wrath. It wasn't Olaf's fault that he was an asshole. Elsa the blonde bitch, had cast a spell on him. Just so she wouldn't have to pay for cocaine anymore. It was cruel and unusual punishment. Unfortunately, he had no choice. So he was doomed to spend every day in misery.

Ralph was suddenly awoken from a deep sleep. Elsa had been kicking him in the head for the past five minutes. Slowly he started to recollect last nights events. He looked around, he'd made it to the sex dungeon. But, his victory didn't last long as Elsa clearly wanted him gone.

"Get up, you lazy piece of shit!" She murmured. "Put your Goddamn clothes on!" Elsa threw Ralph's overalls in his direction.

Ralph grimaced wondering what her problem was. "Calm down, I'm trying!"

"Seriously you need to go, like now." Her eyes widened. Something was bothering her, Ralph couldn't quite put his finger on it.

The buff man redressed himself, Elsa was already fully clothed. "What's your problem?"

Elsa scoffed in disgust. "You! You're gross, don't tell anyone we had sex!"

"Are you kidding? Why not?" He argued.

"Because! I wouldn't have slept with you if I wasn't bored out of my mind last night." She pointed an accusatory finger. "I don't want every guy on campus thinking they can get with me!"

Ralph rolled his eyes. "You aren't even that good at sex." He deadpanned. "You know that right? Like out of all the THOTA's I've fucked, you're the worst."

Elsa was now fuming with anger. "Get out of my sex dungeon or I'll lock you in here, and leave you to die!"

Ralph knew she wasn't bluffing. In fact, he was pretty certain Elsa had caused many deaths in her time at Arby's University. It hadn't been proved of course, but it wouldn't seem that far from the truth. The frightened OMBETA slowly backed away, slamming the door behind him. Leaving Elsa cold and alone the way she should be.

As soon as Ralph left, Elsa began pacing. She was so screwed.

Moana could see the burning cross. She'd sat at the last supper table only hours ago. All the attention was on her. It was a moment she'd been waiting for since childhood. Finally, someone needed her. Moana was the virgin sacrifice the most important part of the sex dungeon.

Then she heard a song, one that was incredibly displeasing to her tired ears. In fact, it was hardly a song. It was her teacher, Mr. Healy banging the keys on his synth while screeching the word to one of his old hits. Moana opened her eyes, no longer able to bask in her sweet dream.

"THIS MUST BE MY DREAM." Matty hollered. "WIDE AWAKE BEFORE I FOUND YOU."

She picked up the nearest item, which happened to be Mr. Healy's favorite bong.

"I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU BOY-"

His screaming was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass. Moana realized her mistake only after it was too late.

"Mr. Healy I am so, so sorry!" Moana stuttered.

Matty looked over at her, his eyes slowly drifting to his shattered bong on the floor. The teacher gave her a broken expression.

"Do you know where I got that?" His eyes dazed away.

"Was it a gift?" Moana tried to guess, hoping her teacher wouldn't lose his mind.

"No." He took a deep breath. "I got it at the head shop." Then Matty clenched his fists. "But, it was still my favorite!"

Moana pursed her lips. "I didn't mean to break it! I'll buy you a new one!"

"That was $20! You could never afford that, I can barely afford that!"

"I have $20 right here!" Moana tried to reach into her purse.

"NO! JUST GET OUT!" He cried.

Moana obeyed, slipping out the vans backdoor quietly. Before she closed it, Matty stopped her.

"One more thing…."

The young THOTA nodded.

"Life's too short to drink crappy coffee, and cry over boys who don't care." He whispered.

"I'll remember that." She pondered what he was trying to say. "Thank you... "

She shut the door and ran back into the DELTA THOTA house. Moana was shocked to find various bodies passed out throughout her home. Olaf, their housemaid was furiously trying to clear out the living room. Moana snuck past him and up to her bedroom which she shared with Judy. Usually, they'd be studying by now but, for some odd reason Judy was nowhere to be found.

Her head ached. Everything else was completely numb. Judy managed to peel her eyes open but was still unable to process what was going on around her. Nick was beside her, scrolling through his phone.

"What time is it... " The bunny muttered.

"Four in the afternoon." He responded casually, a smug look on his face.

In an instant, her mind was alert. She shot up from her relaxed position in the fox's arms.

"OH MY GOSH". She panicked. "NICK I MISSED CHURCH!"

He cocked an eyebrow. "So?"

"Are you serious?" She winced. Taking a moment Judy observed her surroundings.

Nick was shirtless, the cash-filled bathtub covering him below the waist. She looked down at herself. Judy was shirtless as well. In a pile beside the bathtub sat their clothes. They were naked.

The air left her lungs and she began feeling faint. Judy's stomach churned as the memories from the night before crept back into her mind.

Nick took notice of her panicked state. "Is everything okay, Carrots?"

Judy couldn't find the words. She pointed a shaky finger at Nick, and then one back at herself. The fox gave her a look of confusion. "Sex?" She stuttered.

The fox smirked. "Yup."

His self-assured expression pushed Judy to the edge. "What is wrong with you?!" She snapped.

Nick held up his arms in defense. "What did I do?!"

"I wanted to wait until we were married!"

"Who said we were going to get married?!"

Judy frowned, becoming fully aware of Nick's indifference. "God is sending me to hell, and it's your fault. Do you even care?"

"Hell, Judy?" Nick put on his sunglasses. "Hell isn't real." Then he smirked again. "But, if it is at least we'll see each other there!"

"This isn't a joke!" She cried. "Nick, I was drunk, you knew I wasn't ready!"

The fox stopped to think. "Listen, I thought it was okay. You know I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think it was okay!" Nick removed the sunglasses again, showing a softer side of himself. "I know I made the first move but, you're the one who initiated it, Carrots."

Judy furrowed a brow knowing Nick was right. If she weren't so close to God, there would be nothing wrong with sharing a bed with the fox. Unfortunately, God was the one watching her through the night. Not the cocaine dealing, Nicholas Wilde.

"Regardless." Judy pouted. "You don't care about me, or my beliefs!"

He shook his head. "It's more like, you can't accept that I don't have the same beliefs as you."

Judy gasped, how dare he. "WHY ARE YOU EVEN WITH ME!?" She snapped, much louder than she intended to.

"I should be asking you that!" He retorted.

Nick was right. Why was Judy wasting her time with a lowlife drug dealer? "You're right, Nick. I'm breaking up with you."

His face dropped. "Wait, what?"

"You don't have any friends, you don't have God, and now, you don't even have a girlfriend!" Judy picked up a wad of cash and threw it in his face. "At least you still have your money, it's all you've ever wanted anyways!"

Judy hopped out of the tub, not bothering to get dressed. She swung the door open and stormed out, leaving Nick there naked in his tub of money. The bunny noticed Elsa approaching from the corner of her eye.

"Um, Judy?" Elsa's concerned tone asked.

"NOT NOW, CUNT!" The bunny shouted.

Elsa stopped to think. She knew Judy was a bitch but, cunt was harsh. Even for her. Out of curiosity, she peered into the open bathroom door. Nick Wilde sat in a bathtub full of cash, his eyes were wide with shock. The fox's shredded abs glowing through the afternoon sun peaking through the window.

The fox noticed her and frowned. He placed sunglasses over his eyes and slowly sunk beneath his wealth until he was no longer visible.

Two weeks later….

Today was one of the hottest days on campus. The annual DELTA THOTA bikini oil charity car wash. The THOTA's strutted through their now fixed front doors, their tiny bikinis hugging their oiled bodies in all the right places. By the time they arrived on campus there was already a line of cars waiting to be cleansed by their sexy hands.

Elsa plugged her phone into the speakers, blasting her 'sexy hits' playlist through SoundCloud. First up was Maui, in his Mustang. The girls began spraying water across his car, through the windshield he frowned.

Maui stepped out, snatching the hose from Moana's hands. "Let me show you how a real lady washes a car." The demigod winked.

The THOTA's rolled their eyes as Maui's ego washed the car himself. Then left without even leaving a tip.

Moana panicked as she saw Mr. Healy's van quickly approaching. Ever since she'd broken his worthless bong, the teacher made it his goal to throw one at her every opportunity he got. Matty slammed his brakes in front of the DELTA THOTA's, then rolled his window down. Revealing he'd covered his face with a mask to hide his identity. Unfortunately, everyone already could smell his loud weed from a mile away. Moana ducked in cover as a bong flew straight in her direction.

"ISIS ARE CUTTING LITTLE GIRLS HEADS OFF AND YOU WANT TO CHALLENGE A NON RELIGIOUS, HUMANIST PERSPECTIVE?" The deranged teacher shouted. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE WORLD AT ALL!"

"THANKS, MR. HEALY!" She tried to be friendly, as the van took off its tires screeching as he slammed the gas pedal. Everyone's eyes directed towards Moana, who shrugged. She didn't feel like telling the long story as to why Mr. Healy now hated her.

The next car was a brand new red convertible Porsche. The top rolled down, revealing the driver was none other than Judy's ex-lover, Nick Wilde. Word had quickly gotten around campus, via Elsa, that Judy was no longer a virgin. So running into Nick, who was surely trying to embarrass her was nerve-wracking.

The fox rolled down his driver's side window and was greeted by the meatless Elsa.

"What can we do for you, Nick?" Elsa winked.

Nick stepped out of his car. "Just wanted to get my brand new, 2018 Porsche washed!" The fox spoke loud enough so that Judy could hear his bragging.

The fox missed her, although he would never admit it. Judy was the only real girlfriend he'd ever had. She'd taken a lot of his pride with her, and he was desperately trying to gain it back.

"Hey, so you wanna fuck with Judy?" The fox whispered into Elsa's ear. The blonde bitch returned with a devious nod.

"Follow my lead." He ushered her to the front of his car and laid two lines of cocaine on the red hood. Nick and Elsa quickly snorted the snow together. Then got a little too close for comfort, flirting with one another in hushed voices.

Once the remaining THOTA's had finished washing his Porsche, Elsa bid him farewell by ruffling the fur atop his head then kissing his cheek.

The fox's jaw hung agape as he opened the door to his Porsche and a wave of water spilled out onto the pavement. He'd stupidly left the top down while the THOTA's worked their magic. Nonetheless, he flashed a sly wink to Judy, who was standing in the corner pouting with her arms crossed.

Elsa made her way over to the angry bunny.

"You bitch!" Judy snapped.

Elsa shrugged. "He came upon me, and unlike you, I'm not going to deny a handsome man his pleasures!"

The bunny ripped the AUX chord out of Elsa's phone. She then flung it into the bucket of water beside her before stomping back towards the DELTA THOTA house.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU SLUT!" Elsa shrieked, angry that her iPhone 4 had just been drenched in water.

Judy didn't listen and headed on her way.

Ralph wandered nervously around campus. Earlier that morning he'd received some disheartening news from his then observed Judy Hopps, stomping in his direction. Perfect, the DELTA THOTA that hated Elsa the most. She was the one to ask for sure.

Ralph stopped the bunny. "Hey, Judy! Um, I have a quick question?"

Judy glared at him, not wanting to be bothered.

This was important so, Ralph continued anyways. "So um, I've heard this rumor about Elsa, and I'm just wondering if it's true." He hoped she couldn't tell how badly he was sweating.

Suddenly Judy perked up a bit. "Depends on what the rumor is…"

"Well, uh. Someone might've of told me Elsa has an STD and I was just curious." Ralph bit his lip. "The frats are concerned that if she participates in the sex dungeon that we might all catch it."

The bunny relaxed, which offered Ralph a bit of comfort. "Oh, I'm sure it's just a rumor!"

"Oh!" Ralph faked a smile. "That's good to hear!" He shuffled his feet. "Well, I'll see you around!"

Judy nodded and they walked in opposite directions. Ralph knew it was Elsa's fault, OMBETA men had made a pact to get weekly STD check-ups, Elsa was the last girl he'd slept with, which would explain why she'd been so awkward about sex. The blonde bitch was just lucky he didn't tell the entire campus.

The bunny slammed her bedroom door and flipped her laptop open. She knew exactly how she'd get revenge on Elsa, she just needed a little help from UOA's biggest gossiper. Judy started typing the email.

'Ms. Black,

It has been brought to my attention, that one of the students at UOA has been diagnosed with HIV. That student would happen to be Elsa. In order to protect the remainder of the student body, I suggest we do an entire unit on STD's immediately. Let me know if you need any other information.

Thanks!

Judy Hopps.'

She pressed send. Elsa was going to pay for what she'd done.


	4. A Lei For Dean Clinton

Hillary Clinton, Arby's University's infamous dean was taking a morning stroll. She gazed up to the sun while sipping her fit tea, which she promoted on Instagram daily. Shock overcame her upon realizing her flower garden had been ravished. Every last one of her spring blooms had been torn from the soil and carried off to some unknown place. She began crawling through the dirt, fury in her heart. Looking for a sign that could bring her precious flowers home.

Taking a close look at a large footprint in the dirt, she noticed a strand of black curly hair resting where her daisies should be. Clinton plucked it from the ground and took a quick sniff. Maui. ALZETA. Their annual luau party was tonight.

This was the last straw.

"Well, I sure can't wait to see all the ladies in their coconut bras tonight!" Kristoff cheered.

The ALZETA's sat in their basement having a meeting. Tonight was their annual luau party. Unfortunately, the ALZETA fraternity was no good at being proactive. Every member was missing class today because no one planned the party ahead of time. Most of the decorations were makeshift, they even made lei's out of flowers from Dean Clinton's garden.

Maui slammed his massive fists onto the table. "WHO'S BRINGING THE ALCOHOL!"

Hiro Hamada, a freshman raised his hand. "I GOT A FORTY RACK IN MY TRUCK!"

The entire room hollered in delight, throwing their fists high into the air. The only thing fraternities liked more than DELTA THOTA was beer.

Maui nodded and spoke again. "Who's in charge of the cultural stick and poke tattoo station?"

Max Goof rolled across the long table on his skateboard, he stopped to do a kickflip in front of Maui. "I could do it!" The young man sat down on the table then snorted a line of cocaine.

"I'd say this parties in good hands, fellas!" Maui smiled, proud of his protegees. "Alright, and for entertainment?"

Mr. Malone raised his hand. "I can do a live performance!" Although no one knew why Mr. Malone was sitting in on the meeting, they didn't mind.

Maui jumped onto the table, Max Goof hopped onto his back and began riding him like a horse. The reckless fraternity cheered them on. The spirit of UOA was seen through tender moments like this.

Elsa wove her way through the halls as usual. But, something was off today. It seemed the entire student body was staring her down, silencing as she walked by. She could hear murmurs under their breath though she couldn't make out what they were saying. The blonde bitch rolled her eyes and stepped into Ms. Black's sex ed class just as the bell rang.

Elsa took a seat next to her housemate Rapunzel. "Hey."

Rapunzel gave no response, she instead opened to a random page in her textbook and pretended to read it. The THOTA paid Elsa no attention at all. Which was unusual for the usually chatty sorority girl.

Ms. Black stood at the podium. "Class! It's Friday, you know what that means!"

The entire lecture groaned as Ms. Black turned on her boombox and blasted her infamous song 'Friday'. A sigh of relief filled the room once it had finished.

"Anyways students, It was brought to my attention that one of you, currently in this room has an STD!" Ms. Black pointed an accusatory finger around the room. "Since the average college student sleeps with twenty-four other students in one year, you've all basically had sex with one another!"

Elsa bit her lip and began doodling in her notebook.

"I've talked with the school nurse and they'll be offering free STD tests until the end of this month!" Ms. Black smirked. She was usually awful at her job but, for once she'd done something right.

The nervous blonde bitch tried to distract herself. Elsa's eyes darted around the room until she noticed something out of the ordinary. Ralph, was seated next to her nemesis Judy Hopps. And, the two had their heads turned slightly over their shoulders glancing at Elsa. She made eye contact with Judy who immediately looked away.

It felt like an eternity before Ms. Black dismissed the entire class, except for Elsa. Whom she'd asked to have a quick word with. Elsa waited until her peers had exited the room before making her way down to Ms. Black.

"What do you want?" Elsa snapped at her teacher.

Ms. Black frowned. "Elsa, I'm just worried about your safety!"

"Excuse you?"

The teacher placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Dear, Judy sent me an email about your HIV, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You should encourage your peers to get checked as well."

Elsa gasped. "I do not have HIV!" She clenched her jaw. "Judy's just jealous of me! It's obvious!"

Ms. Black hugged Elsa. "I know it's hard to accept that you'll die within the next twenty years, but it'll be okay."

Elsa shoved the teacher away and stormed out of the lecture hall. She was already plotting ways to murder Judy.

This was the OMBETA's least favorite time of the year. It was the annual luau party hosted by ALZETA which usually led to their victory in the sex dungeon. Not this year though. OMBETA was coming up with a plan that would put the luau party in the ground once and for all.

"We could take some of them bottle rockets and launch em at their windows!" Mater suggested.

Ralph nodded. "That's good but, we need something bigger."

Woody lit a cigarette and took a drag. "We could dress up as THOTA's and sneak in!"

The OMBETA leader sighed. "We're trying to infiltrate the party, Woody! Not join in." Ralph shot down the idea. No way he was going to wear a coconut bra.

Mr. Healy took a loud bong rip then smiled. "We could unleash a collection of wild, untamed, exotic animals on their party!"

Ralph debated. Sure the idea was good but, where were they going to find exotic animals on such short notice? "How are we supposed to get ahold of wild animals in the next three hours?"

The teacher opened his mouth to speak but was cut off.

Nick Wilde shot up from his seat and removed his sunglasses. "That gives me an idea!"

"What is it?" Ralph sighed from relief. Nick always came up with something good.

"You want wild animals? I've got you covered" The fox smirked. "I deal crack to four other fraternities in the area, I'm sure they'd be delighted to join the party!"

The room nodded in agreement, Nick's idea just might work.

Moana and Judy were putting the finishing touches on their makeup.

"Moana, you don't understand! She was flirting with Nick to get back at me."

The virgin sacrifice rolled her eyes. "Judy, you broke up with him! You can't be mad if he's seeing other girls."

"But -"

"No! Seriously." Moana snapped. "You can't just go around saying someone has HIV, I know Elsa's a bitch but a rumor like that could ruin her entire life!"

Judy shook her head while fastening the strings on her coconut bra. "It was on the spur of the moment! I was angry, okay?"

Moana put a red gloss on her lips, then handed the lip gloss over to Judy. "Maybe you should apologize and tell everyone you started the rumor." She suggested Judy take the high road before it was too late.

Judy squeezed her eyes shut and took a seat on the floor. Moana cocked an eyebrow. "Um, you okay?"

"Uh, yeah." She murmured. "Just feeling a little light-headed is all!" The bunny faked a smile.

"Judy, I know you're trying to avoid Elsa but, I doubt she'll even be there after what happened today."

"You're right, I'm probably just nervous."

Moana fastened her coconut bra and helped her friend up. "Let's go."

Maui stood at the front door, greeting all his esteemed THOTA's. To each one he offered a handmade lei, courtesy of Ms. Clinton's flower garden. So far everything was perfect. Hiro had just unloaded the forty rack and the THOTA's even brought their jungle juice fountain. Mr. Malone was performing some of his original songs in the backyard. Maui couldn't wait to join in on the fun.

He smiled as Moana strutted through the front door. He picked up a lei he'd created especially for the beautiful virgin sacrifice. Gently he placed it around her neck and gave her a peck on the cheek. Noticing Judy was by Moana's side, Maui quickly threw her a lei then continued to flirt with Moana.

Things were going as planned, half the party was already shit faced in the backyard. Some were taking a dip in the pool. Others were grinding on each other as Mr. Malone performed his song rockstar.

Matty Healy was hiding in the bushes gripping his walky-talky. Ralph had informed him to get in contact as soon as Maui stepped into the backyard. This was the signal everyone had arrived at the party. After that, the OMBETA's were sending in the wild animals. The teacher had been pretty high during the OMBETA meeting but, he was excited to see what exotic animals the boys had decided on.

"Ralph, do you read me?" He shouted into the device.

"Loud and clear Mr. Healy!" A stout voice responded.

"Send in the animals." Mr. Healy breathed, shaking with anticipation.

"MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, COME ON!" Ralph shouted, directing a fleet of pickup trucks towards the ALZETA house. As soon as he stopped, the long line of cars began to park. Mater and Woody immediately lined up bottle's in front of the house, placing a bottle rocket inside each one. They lit them up and shattered multiple glass windows.

A wave of redneck frat boys burst through the doors of the ALZETA house. They destroyed anything they could find. Maui ran inside to see what could be causing the commotion. He ran up to Ralph and slugged him in the face.

"WHAT THE FUCK'S THIS!" The demigod shouted.

Ralph gave a devious smile. "Just bought a few extra guests for you guys!"

The demigod watched in horror as more trucks pulled up, rednecks spilled into the house like a glass of water. Maui wasn't going give Ralph the satisfaction of destroying the party. "HEY!" he called getting the rednecks attention.

"DID ANY OF YOU BRING A BOTTLE OF WHISKY?"

Every single redneck raised their hand high in the air, displaying their alcohol. Maui nodded.

"THEN LET'S FUCKING PARTY!"

Ralph gave him a look of horror, realizing he had only made the situation worse. His own kind was turning against him. The ALZETA's always won.

As time went on the party only grew, the rednecks invited their friends, who invited their friends. Before the ALZETA's knew it they had three hundred uninvited guests at the party. It was lit.

Mater was doing donuts on the front lawn. Destruction of property was one of his favorite past times. Suddenly he heard a horn honk and he halted. He turned to see McQueen driving down the front steps.

"Hey! This is my lawn, not the shithole town you came from!" McQueen snapped.

Mater gasped. "My shittin' hole is your shittin' hole too! You know that!"

Lightning licked his lips. "Well, I can shit a hole better than you can shit a hole!"

The tow truck chuckled. "You gon' prove that to me then!"

"KACHOW!" Lightning yelled. He backed to the other side of the lawn, the sidewalk between him and Mater. The racecar threw himself into reserve and began making donuts as well.

"YEEHAW!" Mater cheered and joined McQueen in a donut competition.

Maui grabbed a red cup and filled it with jungle juice. He offered it to Moana, who gladly accepted. "You know, if you stood in front of a mirror and held up eleven roses, you'd see twelve of the most beautiful things in the world."

Moana giggled and batted her eyelashes. "Well, if you stood in front of a mirror you'd see a very buff man." She winked while feeling a bit tipsy.

Maui scowled. "Who?"

Moana laughed obnoxiously. "You! You'd see yourself." She ran her hands over his abs. "Because you're like buff and all that…"

"Oh!" The demigod grinned. "You're right! I would. Aren't I handsome?" He winked.

Moana gave him a suggestive smile. "Let's put it this way. Once we're in the sex dungeon, you're gonna be the one who saves me from the burning cross."

Maui liked the sound of that.

Judy had huddled herself in a corner the second she arrived. Moana was supposed to be there for her. Instead, she was busy flirting with Maui. She grasped a cup filled to the brim with jungle juice. Although, the bunny hadn't had a single sip of alcohol she felt sick and nervous. Just when she thought things couldn't get worse, she saw Nick heading straight towards her.

"Prudy Judy makes a return!" The fox slurred.

Judy tried to get away but, Nick cornered her into the wall. She rolled her eyes.

"Well look at that! Nicholas Wilde, drunk and flirting with girls who want nothing to do with him at a party." Judy narrowed her eyes. "As usual."

Judy took a closer look at him, realizing he was shirtless and wearing one of the THOTA's coconut bras on his head. Her disgust grew. "Who's is that?"

Nick frowned and looked up. "What? This isn't mine! He untied the coconut bra and threw it behind him. "It's Rapunzel's!" The fox's words slurred together.

"So, you're sleeping with my friends to get back at me?" Judy questioned. "That's low, even for you!"

He lazily shook his head. "Your friends? More like my bitches!"

Judy stomped her foot, tired of Nick's immature behavior. "You're disgusting!"

"Really?" He smirked. "Two weeks ago you were begging for more."

She could no longer hold back her anger. Judy threw the contents of her red cup directly at the fox, covering his bare chest in jungle juice. She shoved him while trying to get away but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"No, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The fox muttered. "It wasn't supposed to go like this."

Judy listened to Nick ramble until he let go of her arm. The fox grasped his stomach and fell to his knees. Before she could process what was happening, the lower half of her body was covered in Nick's vomit.

The bunny was speechless. She took off running towards the bathroom hoping nobody had witnessed what just happened. Judy locked the door and turned the shower on. After removing her vomit-covered shorts she stepped into the hot water. Her small stream of tears turned into loud sobs. She was pathetic, just like Nick.

The rain had begun falling. A thunderstorm raged in the skies. Hillary Clinton believed the weather was caused by her fury. She zoomed through the streets on her Segway, it's wheel's lightning up with every turn. This was the last time the fraternities got the best of her.

She pulled up to the ALZETA house which was now in shambles. She gasped realizing the windows had been broken and two students were currently doing donuts on the front lawn. The grass had been ripped to shreds and turned into a pile of mud that was flying from beneath their tires.

Dean Clinton tore her safety helmet off her head and stomped into the ALZETA house. The second she walked in everyone went silent. Even Mr. Malone who was performing in the backyard could sense her presence. The inside was no better than the outside. The drapes had been torn, a chandelier was laying on the floor, chairs and tables were broken, even patches of carpet had gone missing.

"IF YOU ARE NOT A STUDENT OF ARBY'S UNIVERSITY, EXIT THE PREMISE IMMEDIATELY!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, her voice breaking with every word. It took an entire fifteen minutes before the unknown guests cleared out. Then she was left alone with the true culprits. ALZETA, OMBETA, and DELTA THOTA.

"This morning I woke up to find my precious flowers had been stolen from my garden!" Clinton held back her tears. "But." She choked. "It appears I've found them."

Clinton made her way around the room, glaring into the eyes of her students one by one. "This is your fourth strike!" She spat in front of Maui. "The next mistake you make will be your last!" Hillary breathed down Ralph's throat. "BUT, DON'T THINK I'M LETTING YOU OFF THE HOOK FOR THIS!" She shrieked again.

The students were on the verge of being expelled, what else could Clinton do?

"ALZETA, your house is clearly no longer suitable to live in." A sickening smile spread across her face. "OMBETA, you will now be sharing a house with the ALZETA's!"

Ralph gasped. "That's not fair. We had nothing to do with your flowers, Dean Clinton!"

Hillary cracked her neck as though preparing for a fight. "But, you did invite every hillbilly within in two hundred mile radius!"

Ralph held his tongue, Dean Clinton was right. It was the rednecks who'd torn apart the ALZETA house.

"DELTA THOTA, You will join the fraternities in a fundraiser to help pay off the damages done to this house!"

The THOTA's groaned. Dean Clinton glared at them before realizing someone was missing.

"Where's Elsa?"

The entire group tried to hold back laughter, realizing Dean Clinton was more out of the loop than they thought.

Max Goof circled Clinton on his skateboard. "Didn't Ms. Black tell you? Elsa has HIV!"

Clinton glanced at Mr. Malone. "Is that true?"

Mr. Malone nodded nervously. Hillary hated when Ms. Black didn't share juicy gossip with her.

"Don't take it personally, love." Mr. Healy sat on the floor trying to nurse Nicholas Wilde back to health. The fox was laying blackout drunk in his lap.

Clinton took a deep breath in. She'd discuss this with Ms. Black later. "Fine."

She picked her segway helmet up off the dirty floor. "Keep the lei's made from my flowers. Think of them as a noose around your necks. One wrong move and they will choke you to death."

Hillary Clinton clipped her helmet on and stormed through the doors. As they slammed behind her thunder shook the house. After she was gone the students silently removed their lei's and threw them to the floor.


	5. The Union

After the disastrous results of the luau party, Dean Clinton had ordered ALZETA move into the OMBETA house. The two rival fraternities were discontent with her decision. They'd been competing since the beginning of time, how were they supposed to team up now?

Woody watched in terror as Max Goof tore down his horse posters and replaced them with photos of pro-skater Tony Hawk.

"Get that pretty boy skater off my wall before I ride you like a cowboy!" Woody scowled.  
Max Goof scoffed and removed his sunglasses. "Pretty boy? Tony Hawk is the edgiest athlete in the world! There's nothing legendary about horses!"

The cowboy stomped his foot. "I guess you ain't heard of Seabiscuit!" Woody pulled a limited edition copy of the film out of his drawer.

"You're right!" Max Goof gave Woody the middle finger. "Because Oceanmuffin isn't a legend!"

"HIS NAME IS SEABISCUIT!" Woody flung the DVD at Max.

They turned their heads after hearing a knock on the doorframe. Dean Clinton was leaning up against it, trying to look cool.

"Gentlemen, is that arguing I hear?" She smirked.

"Nah, we're just practicing for the debate team." Max Goof shot her finger guns. Woody nodded in agreement. The frats were on a fine line, it was best they didn't cross it.

"Wonderful." She nodded sarcastically. "Practicing for UOA's imaginary debate team. Watch out boys, I have my eyes on both of you."

Max and Woody gulped. They waited until they could no longer hear the fit tea in Hillary Clinton's teacup swooshing around. Then they resumed their argument.

"This is atrocious." McQueen criticized Mater's interior decorating skills. The room was made up of Radiator Springs memorabilia.

Mater whacked him the face with his tow hook. "You're the only atrocious thing in this here room."

It had taken until the sun came up for the two cars to realize the party had ended. Meaning, they'd done donuts in the front lawn for almost six hours straight. When McQueen saw the house in shambles and all of its other occupants missing, he knew something horrible happened.

McQueen chuckled. "Let's make this easy for both of us."

"What're ya' talkin' bout."

In one motion, Lightning flung all of Mater's belongings to one side of the room. Then he pulled out a roll of tape and divided the bedroom in two. "My side." McQueen drove over the tape. "Your side!" He then pointed to Mater's cluttered belongings.

Mater scoffed. "Your side's one inch bigger!"

"I need my personal space!"

Mater revved up his tires. A loud screeching erupted through the room. "WELL, I NEED THE OLD LIGHTNIN' MCQUEEN BACK!"

Lightning's face softened. Did Mater really miss having him as a friend? "You mean that?" The race car revealed a naive side of himself.

The rusted truck frowned. "No." He lied. "I was just kiddin'!"

Mater turned and left the room. Leaving Lightning McQueen alone in the silence.

Nick walked through the halls with his sunglasses disguising his tired eyes. It was time for calculus. Calculus had always been awful. Calculus with your ex-girlfriend was even more awful. Calculus with your ex-girlfriend, who you'd also throw up on was a fate Nick wouldn't wish on anyone.

He entered the room with his head down hoping no one would look at him. Before he got a chance to sit he heard a voice call his name from across the room.

"Nick!" Moana waved him in her direction. Judy was nowhere to be found.

The fox rolled his eyes but, sat down beside her. "What?"

"Did you see Judy at the party last night?" Moana asked, concerned.

Nick bit his lip, she didn't know what happened. "Nope."

The virgin sacrifice shook her head. "She never came home, I'm starting to worry... "

Nick was admittedly worried as well. After all, this was probably his fault. "I'm sure she's fine... " The fox shrugged.

The bell rang and Mr. Malone made a grand entrance into his classroom. He gave the students a round of applause.

"You guys really blew me away last night." He smiled proudly. "Figuratively, and , I brought you guys a little thank you gift!"

The class hooted and hollered as Mr. Malone pulled a thirty rack out from under his desk. The students stood up to grab a victory beer, except for Nick. The fox stayed seated with his arms crossed.

"Come up and grab a beer, Nick." Mr. Malone taunted. "Who wouldn't celebrate getting drunk and throwing up on their ex-girlfriend!"

The class turned to look at the fox, who was now clenching his fists.

Moana gasped. "You said you didn't see her!" She shoved the fox, nearly knocking him out of his chair. "I can't believe you threw up on Judy!"

Nick couldn't handle the shame any longer. All he wanted to do was apologize. But, as usual, everything in his life went horribly wrong. The fox stood up and sulked out of the classroom, slamming the door behind him.

Elsa trudged through the halls dressed in black. Black jeans, black sweatshirt, black hat, and even black sunglasses. The last thing she wanted to do right now was be seen. The blonde bitch quietly slipped into Dean Clinton's office.

"Elsa, what a pleasure." She ushered to the seat across from her own. "Take a seat dear, I've even made you some fit tea."

Elsa huffed and took a sip of the fit tea. "Thanks."

"So, I'm sure you've heard what happened at the luau party last night?" The dean clasped her hands.

The blonde bitch nodded. "If you just wanted to tell me I'm on the verge of being expelled for something my retarded classmates did, then I'll let myself out." Elsa snapped, furious that everyone would pay for the fraternities reckless decisions.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you a favor." Dean Clinton smirked.

Elsa cocked her head in curiosity. "Oh?"

Hillary took a sip of her own fit tea. "You and I both know what it's like to be betrayed by our closest friends. Your friend told the school you had HIV, and my friend didn't relay the news to me!"

"I DON'T HAVE HIV!" Elsa snapped.

Dean Clinton hushed Elsa with her hands. "I believe you, but, regardless we've both been mistreated because of the fraternities and your sorority. Don't you agree?"

"I suppose so... " The blonde bitch wondered where her Dean was going with this.

"What would you think about teaming up with me, to take OMBETA, ALZETA, and DELTA THOTA down once and for all?"

"You crazy bitch!" Elsa groaned. "I'm not going to get myself expelled!" She threw her glass of fit tea at Clinton.

Hillary scrunched her nose. "Hush, dear. I'll save you from expulsion! As long as you keep giving me information under the table."

Elsa debated. It would feel nice to get revenge on those who tormented her. And, it's not like she really cared about anyone in her sorority anyways.

"You have a deal." Elsa reached her hand across the desk.

Clinton cackled as the two woman shook hands.

Judy had woke up in the ALZETA house, still laying in the porcelain bathtub. She stood up to find something to cover her body with. Her stomach churned and she felt a throbbing ache in her forehead. Judy sat down, contemplating what could possibly wrong.

A hangover was completely out of the question. Judy hadn't taken a sip of alcohol all night. Maybe she was hungry, after all, she hadn't eaten since before the party. Or she might not have gotten enough sleep. The last time she woke up in a bathtub wasn't so pleasant either.

Judy groaned as her mind wandered back to the fox. She reached for her cellphone to check the time and was shocked to see multiple texts asking where she was. Judy read each one individually, not bothering to respond. She'd even received one from Nick earlier that morning.

'I'm sorry.' it read. Judy sighed and pushed herself up off the tile floor. The bunny noticed a long white bathrobe hanging from the door. It would have to do.

Judy though having her drunk ex-throwing up on her at a party was bad. Turns out walking across campus in a bathrobe that clearly did not belong to her was much more embarrassing.  
She slammed the front door of the THOTA house, deciding attending class wasn't worth it at this point. Plus, she felt too ill to focus anyways.

Judy stuck a slice of bread in the toaster, wanting to eat something light just in case she was sick. But, after one bite of the slightly burned bread, Judy was repulsed by the taste. The bunny twisted open a jar of peanut butter. The smell had never bothered her before but, for some reason today she was unable to stand it.

A few moments later, she was vomiting into the trash can. "It's just the flu... " Judy tried to calm herself. But, her nervous mind kept wandering back to her mother. Judy had seen these symptoms many times in her life. It wouldn't hurt to check.

The bunny crawled into the living room and pulled a small box from under the coffee table. The DELTA THOTA pleasure package. Judy removed the lid and began digging through the pile of condoms, lubricant, body oil, sexy dice, and even a pair of handcuffs. Then at the very bottom, she found a bag of Plan B pills and beside it, a pregnancy test. Judy scowled at the frowning face that she had ironically drawn on the package months ago.

She shut and locked the bathroom door behind her. Judy carefully followed the instructions listed on the package. Now, all she had to do was wait fifteen minutes. She paced around the bathroom until she heard Moana calling her name down the hall.

"I'm right here!" Judy slipped out of the bathroom and waved to her friend.

Moana sighed in relief and drug Judy back to their shared room and shut the door behind them. "What the hell happened last night!"

The bunny rolled her eyes. "You ran off with Maui and left me alone!"

"Why didn't you hang out with someone else? Or come look for me?" The virgin sacrifice questioned.

"I didn't even want to be there in the first place." The bunny frowned.

"Yep. I wish I hadn't gone either." Moana smacked her lips.

"Why?"

"Dean Clinton showed up. She was so pissed about her flowers and the ALZETA house that she combined the fraternities... " Moana whispered.

Judy crossed her arms. "That's not so bad."

"Actually, it is. We're all on our last strike. If anything else goes wrong we're all going to get expelled. Which means, if the guys can't learn to get along, everyone's going down with them."

Judy clenched her eyes shut. Could her day get any worse?

Moana checked her phone. "I gotta get back to class, but, I'm glad you're okay." She smiled.

Judy waited until she heard the front door close before heading back to the bathroom. Her results should be done by now.

The air left her lungs when she re-entered the bathroom. Dressed in a black, Elsa sat on the edge of the tub looking straight down at Judy's pregnancy test.

"That's - that's not mine." Judy stuttered.

"Really, Judy? I saw you looking through the pleasure package." Elsa taunted. "Unfortunately, you're not pregnant." She stuck her bottom lip out.

"Are you serious?" Judy asked in disbelief. She let her body relax a bit.

"Nope. You're totally pregnant." Elsa laughed and tossed the pregnancy test at Judy.

The bunny watched in horror as the pregnancy test landed face down on the floor, leaving her unable to see the results.

"Look at it!" Elsa pointed at the test.

Judy slowly reached down to pick it up. Her arms were shaking as she plucked it off the tile floor.

"Just look at the Goddamn thing! I already told you that you're pregnant!"

Judy clenched her teeth and deadpanned Elsa. "Don't use our Lord's name in vain!"

The bunny continued stalling while praying God had forgiven her for committing adultery. Elsa had enough, she stomped over and snatched the test away from Judy. She then flipped it over and held it right in front of Judy's eyes.

"See? Just like I said. You're pregnant." Elsa said confidently.

It couldn't be real. Judy fell to the floor and brought her knees to her chest. Her throat grew tight and tears started falling from her eyes.

"Stop crying you twat! Get a freaking abortion everyone's done it!" Elsa snapped at Judy.

The bunny gasped. "Children are a gift from God! How could you say that!" Her voice broke with every word. Slowly her cries turned into loud sobs.

"Oh, get over yourself!" Elsa groaned. "At least you don't have HIV!"

Judy looked up at the blonde bitch, suddenly feeling horrible for starting such an awful rumor. "Elsa, I'm so sorry I was just angry. I'll tell everyone it was just a rumor. It's just when I saw you with Nick and Ralph started talking about STD's I couldn't help it! I'm, so sorry!" The bunny rambled.

"Wait. What?"

The bunny wiped a tear from her eye. "What do you mean -" The shocked looked on Elsa's face revealed everything. "Oh my gosh. You actually have HIV don't you?"

"No!" Elsa held out her arms in defense.

Judy shook her head. "You have HIV!" She took a deep breath before she started crying hysterically once again. "EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HAVE HIV AND IT'S MY FAULT! GOD'S GOING TO SEND ME TO HELL"

Elsa could not tell if Judy was screaming or crying but, it was annoying. "SHUT THE FUCK UP, PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She shouted back before taking a deep breath. "Seriously, shut the fuck up right now, or I will forward an email to the entire school that says you're pregnant." Elsa spoke through her teeth.

Judy nodded and tried to calm herself down. Every once in a while another sob would plague her body.

"Listen, keep the HIV thing on the down low and I promise I won't tell anyone you're pregnant." Elsa frowned, realizing she would have to compromise with Judy.

"Okay." The bunny rubbed her red eyes.

Elsa lowered her guard and sat beside Judy. "So um, who's the dad?"

Judy began breathing heavily once again. "Who do you think?"

The blonde bitch let out an uncomfortable laugh. "That sucks."

"Yep."

The two THOTA's sat together for a while. For the first time since meeting, they acted civil towards one another. 


End file.
